I feel good about the world today, the serotonin levels have been recharged by the sunlight over the past couple of days. The trees at the bottom of the garden are alive with the noise of the chirping birds. It's amazing how much effect the weather has on your mood.
I am off for an early morning shopping expedition we are having friends round for dinner tonight, and that means a trip to Sainsburys. I wish I was one of those people who hunts down bargains in the chinese supermarket, and combines it with freshly harvested ingredients from the garden, and tit bits from the farmer's market, but I prefer Sainsburys. I went to the chinese supermarket a couple of times but ended up cooking a rank szechuan stir fry, which could have been used for stripping paint.

Posted by jaffs at 08:46 AM | Permalink

I donated some money to Comic Relief by switch. I had consumed a few beers and the guilty pangs tugged at my wallet when Billy Connelly showed me a broken well in Somalia. The payment came out today, but the programme was aired a few months ago. That seems very inefficient.

Posted by jaffs at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I travel to work every morning along Mersey Street past The Oval (home of The Glens. The houses on Mersey Street and it's side streets seem to have been housing exceutive housing, that the Housing Executive have allowed to fall into disrepair, so they can knock them all down, and start again. The area really needs some revitalisation, as is happening on the site of the old Gallagher's factory with the huge development Lewis Square. There is one or two houses along the stretch towards Dee Street which are still occupied, one in particular which is very well kept. Although all the houses around her have been abandoned and the bulldozers are not far away, this woman is often out on the street sweeping up outside her house.
She takes a great pride in her house, and I am amazed at her resolve to stay there until the very last moment. I hope she ends up like the woman at the Newtownabbey retail park, who now has a detached house facing B&Q and Tescos. Her house used to be a semi, but she has forced the developers to knock the other half down, giving her a very unusual dwelling, within spitting distance of the shops.
My new word for the day is especial, I don't know if this is a common word that I have somehow avoided for 26 years, but I had never come across it before. There is a sign when entering the Harbour Estate stating that you must take 'especial care' when entering the area. It means much the same as special.
"Of special importance or significance".

Posted by jaffs at 08:40 AM | Permalink

use strict;
use URI::Escape;
my %unique;
foreach my $textfile () {
  if (substr($textfile,-3) eq '.gz'){
    $textfile = "gzip -dc $textfile |";
  }
  open LOGFILE, $textfile;
  while (<LOGFILE>){
    if ( m#\Wq(?:ry|kw|uery\?p)?=([^&\s?]+)# ){
      my $string = uri_unescape($1);
      $string =~ tr/\+/ /;
      chop($string) if (
        (scalar($string=~tr/"//) % 2 != 0) &&
        (rindex($string,'"') == (length($string)-1))
      );
      $unique{$string}++;
    }
  }
}
print "$_\n" foreach (keys %unique);
close(LOGFILE);

Posted by jaffs at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

The M5 to Jordanstown passes along a causeway before Whiteabbey, there is a lagoon on the left, which appears to be tidal. Often you see someone out digging on the mud flats, this morning there were 6 people digging furiously in the flats. I wonder what they are after, it must be something pretty lucrative, the only thing I can think of is bait for sea fishing, perhaps lugworms or ragworms.

Posted by jaffs at 08:20 AM | Permalink

Getting really hooked on http://www.electrotank.com, started playing the Mini Golf in work a while back, and just tried playing on a dial up from home, and it works really well. I like the chat element to the game aswell, very clever. Just played a game with some girl from Holland, I was convinced she was messing with some of her innuendo, or maybe that is just my mind running riot with stereotypical Dutch imagery.

Posted by jaffs at 10:04 PM | Permalink

The inconsistencies in English pronunciation are often illustrated by the assertion that the word fish can be pronounced as GHOTI. This has been attributed to Bernard Shaw but it may have derived from one of Shaw's fellow-enthusiasts for spelling reform. In his biography Bernard Shaw (1991), Michael Holroyd says: 'When an enthusiastic convert suggested that "ghoti" would be a reasonable way to spell "fish" under the old system (gh as in "tough", o as in "women", and ti as in "nation"), the subject seemed about to be engulfed in the ridicule from which Shaw was determined to save it.' The GHOTI story is so well-known that James Joyce referred to it in Finnegans Wake (1939): "Gee each owe tea eye smells fish."
From http://www.askoxford.com/worldofwords/wordfrom/writtentomahto/

Posted by jaffs at 03:58 PM | Permalink

Both posts today inspired from a message board that some others may or may not frequent, too funny not to reference.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/jscheidt1.html

Posted by jaffs at 11:49 AM | Permalink

This image shows the creative index of cities in the UK.
It's an odd way to measure creativity, and I came across the image out of context on a discussion board, so I am not sure of the point of the image.
It looks like they are measuring creativity by ethinic diversity,sexual diversity, and patent applications. Due to Belfast's lack of gay asian inventors we have come out pretty badly.
However Belfast is ranked 17th in the UK for sexual diversity, which seems surprising. I would love to know how they measured sexual diversity, does that include sheep and relatives?

Posted by jaffs at 09:01 AM | Permalink

Just got the call from Human Remains and I have got the job which I have been doing on a fixed term contract for the last two years.
It's such a relief, I was sweating it, especially because I recognised the bloke who came out of the interview before me. The interview didn't go that well, the things I think are important, ie the Perl/MySQL side of my work does not have the same appeal to managers as interacive games and flash animation.
Heading for Cutter's Wharf after work, for copius amounts of guinness.

Posted by jaffs at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Jaff's Trumpet cannot be held responsible for the content of external sites, but this one has some cracker old 80's bike ads.
http://www.sharpeworld.com/bikers/
This one is really odd:
http://www.sharpeworld.com/bikers/7.html

Posted by jaffs at 09:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My blogging has been taking a back burner for a few days, haven't been inspired to write anything bar the mundane. We are going through some restructuring at work at the moment, meaning application forms and interviews due to the nature of public sector Human Resources departments.
After being made redundant once before, I have been insanely paranoid during the entire process.
When I was made redundant at a previous e-commerce company, I came into work one day and my unix login was deactivated, when I enquired with the sys admin why this was so, I was told he would look at it in a wee while, alarm bells rang instantly, and rightly so.
I am being interviewed for my position tomorrow, and I know that there are others in for the job, so I am not looking forward to it. If I arrive to work tomorrow and my unix login has been disabled I think I will cry.

Posted by jaffs at 09:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Went to Tollymore today, we were up the back of the park near the Drinns, when we heard a rustling in the trees. It turns out we had disturbed 4 young deer, and they scampered off in to the undergrowth. We saw them for a few seconds, then the noise stopped and they disappeared into the shadows.
I have seen deer in the wild twice and both times in groups in Tullymore.
There was also two mad teenagers in wet suits jumping from the Old Bridge into the river, they got more and more daring as more people collected for the spectacle, ending up doing back flips off the bridge.

Posted by jaffs at 06:00 PM | Permalink

I enjoyed Matrix Reloaded, there I said it, I feel better now.
I didn't spot any hidden references, nor philosophy, but it kept my attention for 2.5 hours.
The highlight of my visit to the Odyssey however was the seal putting on a show for the bystanders in the Abercorn Basin behind W5.

Posted by jaffs at 09:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Off to see Matrix Reloaded in a wee while, not looking forward to it in the slightest. Rebecca loves Sci Fi and fantasy, it does my head in. I would much prefer to watch a documentary on National Geographic. Rebecca claims it is a lack of imagination. I have heard all about all the hidden references and philosophy in the first Matrix, but am a tad sceptical that perhaps hidden meanings are not actually there.There is a huge gap in my fantasy film knowledge, which also extends to gaming. My Dad has a Playstation 2 and laughs at my inablity to even play the most basic game.
Give me a fishing rod, bicycle or pair of walking boots any day, crikey I am going to be an old sod of a Dad if I ever have kids.

Posted by jaffs at 04:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I was watching Big Brother on E4 earlier and thought that the exercise had actually proved useful. One of the girls stated that Daddy Longlegs were the most poisonous insects in the world, but they do not have the capacity to penetrate human skin.
Unfortunately this is not the case.
http://www.urbanlegends.com/animals/daddy_long_legs_poisonous.html

Posted by jaffs at 07:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I once heard the following story. I am sure it has no scientific value what so ever, I can find no reference online but i like it.
In Cardiff in the late 70's there was a building which was said to be haunted, at certain times, strange voices could be heard emanating from the walls. The walls were fashioned from very old stone.
A meeting was being held in the building one evening, and the strange voices started, a visiting professor of Welsh histrory from Aberystwyth., recognised the voices as those of ancient Welsh speakers.
It turns out that the walls were made from sandstone, and thus had a high proportion of silicon, this was acting like a silicon chip and had recorded voices under certain conditions. When similar conditions of moisture and heat occurred the voices could be heard coming from the stone.

Posted by jaffs at 03:13 PM | Permalink

I have done quite a bit of research about travelling to Antigua in September. Many sites tell me that September has the biggest concentrations of hurricanes in the Carribean. A quick google http://www.google.com/search?q=antigua+hurricane shows a lot of hurricane info for Antigua.
A lot of the message boards state the chances of getting hit by a hurricane are small but these are usually posted by people like
captainjohn@antigua-cruises.com.

Posted by jaffs at 09:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Inspired by the Unatural Laws page, I would like to offer Jaff's DIY Law.
'If you notice something needing done, ignore it for at least a year and it will no longer annoy you.'
I started stripping the bannisters last November, I joked with Rebecca that I would have them finished by her birthday in March, I am embarrassed to say they are still only half completed.
Everyone told me to cut the bannisters out and take them to get dipped, but I ignored their advice, I knew best.
I tried all sorts of chemical solutions, nitro mors and wire wool, which was a very nasty experience. I also tried all the B&Q wonder solutions, paint this on and leave it for 24 hours and the paint falls off...bollocks I say, if something is too good to be true it usually is.
The best and nicest way to do it is a good old fashioned heat gun, with one of those angled scrapers.
I must get it done soon, if it goes over a year, you forget you don't like the white paint, and it will sit there, half done until we have to sell the house.

Posted by jaffs at 08:37 AM | Permalink

That's my buzz word for the day. I suppose it could be misconstrued to mean something entirely different by the youth of today.
However the mailout we did yesterday concerning new online courses, produced it's first result last night. Three people registered and paid through the credit card system we set up.
Of course lots of people have registered in the past, these ones were just pleasing because it was a direct response to the mailout. This was the first mailout since starting the opt-in mailing list.

Posted by jaffs at 03:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/science/administratium.html

Posted by jaffs at 11:12 AM | Permalink

I recently purchased a one bedroom property near Marbella in sunny Spain as an investment property. You're asking yourself how that was done on my salary but it's possible as they are not that expensive- honestly
The purchase was completed last Friday and I thought I'd let anyone who read this know if you're interested in going - ...it's available for a few weeks in the summer but they are getting booked up fast so you would need to let me know if you are interested....
(See Photo)

Posted by jaffs at 09:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Wedding preparations are well under way, I can't get my head round booking things now for a reception in August 2004, it seems ridiculous.
I have been given the task of tracking down a decent wedding band. I can't remember hearing one recently that I liked. The Northern Ireland Big Band mentioned here http://www.nimusiccompany.com/bands.html sounds like the type of thing I would be after..
'Our repertoire includes the 'Big Band' sound of Glenn Miller and Frank Sinatra right though the decades to include chart hits of the 60's, 70's, 80's, and 90's, right up to date.'
However they are a ten piece and I would imagine therefore very expensive.

Posted by jaffs at 08:25 AM | Permalink

This is probably common knowledge with techies, but for casual perl hackers like myself I thought this was a nice module.
We have a mailing list, but didn't have the foresight to categorise it into HTML and text only emails, so I needed to send an email using the multipart/alternative format (thanks Duggie and Colm). I read some of the MIME documentation and this nice intro..
http://www.zend.com/zend/spotlight/sendmimeemailpart1.php, but it was clunky and awkward.
I got the MIME::Lite module installed and it appears to work very well.
I have tested the output on a few mail clients that I have access to pine,mutt,outlook,pegasus and ultrafunk popcorn, and the desired result is very nice. Plain text for text only clients and nice pretty (management speak) html emails for the others.
How nice and simple is this:

my $msg = MIME::Lite->new(
From =>$from,
To =>$toaddress,
Subject =>"Campus One newsletter",
Type =>'multipart/alternative');
$msg->attach(Type => 'text/plain', Data => qq{ @plain_text });
$msg->attach(Type => 'text/html', Data => qq{ @htmllines });
$msg->send();

I just read two files into two arrays, one file is the html the other is plain text, attach them to the msg I have created, let the module do all the hard part of building boundaries etc, and just use the send method of the MIME::Lite module, I don't even need to tell it to what way to send the mail, it finds sendmail and sends the message.
I like this wee module.

Posted by jaffs at 11:27 AM | Permalink

Rebecca had a wardrobe clearout recently, and I sold some of her old bits and bobs on ebay. She has a pile of tops that have never been worn, so I stuck one of her tops up.
Some woman in Portsmouth bought it, she sent the money promptly and I posted the top off and left her positive feedback. The top arrives with her, she mails me and says it is too small and would I honour a refund, she claimed the top would not even fit her daughter who is 9 years old. The top was clearly marked size 8, I have no idea why the woman bought it. She had not left me feedback yet, so if I didn't honour the refund I would get negative feedback. I went through some of the past items she had bought, there was a pair of size 16 pyjamas, a size 14 top, size 14 trousers.
Now the dilemna was should I risk the negative feedback and not honour the refund, or just honour the refund. I did in fact honour it, but it annoyed me doing so. What would be great would be if you could block feedback someway until a third party looked in to it, this third party (ebay guardians I will call them) looks at the evidence, comes to the conclusion that this woman bought the top in error, and forces her to sell it on. You wouldn't get a refund in a normal auction if you bought something in error.

Posted by jaffs at 08:26 AM | Permalink

Rowdy pupils on the Isle of Wight are being punished by being brought to school on a pink punishment school bus, there is a photo of it in today's Times, but the online story needs a subscription.
So here's another reference I found.
http://www.iwight.gov.uk/home/news/press_details.asp?relID=3033
The bus is the oldest in the bus company's fleet aswell as being pink.
They say pupils hide their faces when travelling on the punishment bus, in my school I would fear it would have been a badge of honour to travel in the vehicle.

Posted by jaffs at 08:49 AM | Permalink

We have picked a honeymoon destination, and hopefully if I manage to secure my contract at work this month we will be booking Antigua for a fortnight at the beginning of September next year.
Rebecca really likes it now after seeing Barbuda's (which is reachable from Antigua by boat) pink beaches, and wildlife.
Anyway I found an old uni book lying around about Land Use and Development in the Carribean and I found an essay in it about land use in Barbuda.
Apparently they had a very unusual type of colonial rule, the British leased the whole island to a family called the Codringtons, and they controlled the island, using it and it's slaves to produce bits and bobs for their sugar plantations on Antigua.
However this Codrington bloke must have been decent enough because he allowed the slaves to have their own land, and encouraged trade, allowing his boats to be used by them to export goods from Barbuda to Antigua.
Boats came to Barbuda to barter, bringing with them guns in exchange for goods, the slaves (now all tooled up) started shooting all of the Codrington's cows and sheep, aswell as pillaging the local wildlife including turtles and wild pigs.
The island only had 100 inhabitants, but hardly any livestock nor local wildlife left so Mr Codrington put an end to the boats coming to Barbuda to stop the spread of guns.
The Codrington's lease ended in the 1850's and the land laws on the island prevent land being passed to anyone else, they have a common's land policy, allowing a free for all for any available land, with one exception. If you plant a fruit tree, the land directly below the tree, plus all the fruit produced can be passed between generations, otherwise your land lasts as long as you do.
So when I head over I am going to bring a few apple seeds from my home county and plant them somewhere, then I can lay claim to being a landowner on a carribean island.

Posted by jaffs at 08:41 AM | Permalink

I have seen a few of these things recently, where a talented individual has modified their PC case.
This one has to be one of the best yet.
http://divxstation.com/comm/thread.asp?i=16&t=25160&r=0

Posted by jaffs at 03:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

My passport needed renewed last week, so I was pleased to find that there was an online system to reapply for your passport. If you are tempted to use it, don't bother. You fill in some information, they then print the form off at their end, post it to you, you sign it, and sign a direct debit form and post it back to them. They claim that they have to use a special printing format that would not work on most home printers.
I would imagine that an online process would be introduced to improve efficiency, but this is a fine example of an online system that ends up costing more, both in monetary terms and in time costs.

Posted by jaffs at 08:34 AM | Permalink

Just passed the Ulster Museum there is a graveyard called Friar's Bush, this site described some of the colourful history that surrounds it.
http://www.friarsbush.org/index.html.
I heard somewhere recently that it was to be opened to the public, I have always wanted to have a poke round, but the gate is always locked.
The guide on the bus tour of Belfast, tells a story about a wall being built underground, to seperate the Catholic and Protestant buried. I cannot find any reference to this anywhere, so I would imagine it is probably nonsense.

Posted by jaffs at 09:06 PM | Permalink

I have had one of those killer hangovers today, splitting headache, sickness,huge thirst (but too lazy to drink) and tiredness. I am dreaming of climbing in to bed later.
My sister married a guy from Katesbridge, so I suppose I should not have been surprised when a bottle of clove rock poteen was produced. I declined the offer however, I avoid homemade alcohol after an infamous night spent with my german neighbours at University. The german girl who lived next door, (who was very beautiful until we noticed her hairy armpits) told us about her grandfather's home made schnapps, she brought a bottle home after Easter and we shared it among 4 of us. It was the most unpleasant drunkeness I have ever experienced. One of the guys was from China, and his tolerance for alcohol was not as advanced as us Northern Europeans, the poor guy passed out in the hallway trying to get to the door, we had to carry him home, and to this day he has not touched a drop of alcohol.

Posted by jaffs at 08:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sister's wedding was a great success. Excellent day, great people, too much alcohol.
Wedding Tip One
Never go to the bar to do shots with your 19 year old cousin, you will end up drinking lots of brightly coloured spirits, which will upset your delicate guinness sodden system, and make you feel very rough the next day.

Posted by jaffs at 04:45 PM | Permalink

The preparations for my sister's wedding are coming to a head. We had a bit of a do last night, had a few people round, lots of drink and nice company.
I hope the weather does not deteriorate any further tomorrow.
I am embarrased to admit that I have actually driven from Portadown back to Belfast to get a haircut, yes I would be the first to chastise anyone who did this, especially going to a poncy hairdressers instead of a barbers, but that is what I have done.
I intend to head back up tonight, picking my sister up in Banbridge on the way, she is staying at our parent's house tonight before the wedding. I am so looking forward to the wedding, her fiance treats her very well, and is a good guy, so I am pleased with her choice.

Posted by jaffs at 11:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

There is a crowd called Force 10.
They throw free parties on Rathlin every year.
I think it sounds fantastic, I have never been, but have seen some photos, and it looks like a great weekend. They have a number of soundsystems heading over this year.
Anyway if anyone feels like this rocks their boat, they will have more details on their website nearer the time.

"First weekend of August (1/2/3rd) we Have 5
soundsystems confirmed, a session marquee, out
door main stage with the force10 rig in full
effect. DJ's from 3 continents.. plus drumming
circles, circus performers, healers, food tent,
and a whole host of mad hallions all you have to
be is self sufficent and as creative as you want
to be for 3 days."

Posted by jaffs at 02:59 PM | Permalink

I have decided to write something positive about Portadown today, after giving it a hard time the other day.
Bertie Martin writes a nice article for the Craigavon Historical Society about his experiences of Woodhouse Street.
http://www.geocities.com/craigavonhs/rev/martinwoodhouse.html
Bertie ran a great wee shop selling Men's clothing until a few years ago, it is now owned by Morrows.
I always have fond memories of the shop, I remember being sent in by my Mum to buy a pair of black socks, and the guy serving greeted me with
'What can I do for you today Sir?' This was a great compliment to someone of 8 years of age, and I can still remember how chuffed I felt.
It was also good marketing, I returned many times whenever I needed a suit.

Posted by jaffs at 01:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My workplace has announced details of a car parking scheme which it is due to launch this coming year.
The first principle of the scheme is that it is to be non profit making, the start up costs for the scheme are 1.9 million for location equipment, cabling services, signage, control equipment, CCTV, restriction measures, control systems, and fees.
They then give us details of the payment structure and the heading on the table is 'The following Table allows for a six-year payback period.' I take it then after 6 years, if the scheme is not for profit, we will all get reduced fees which will just cover the cost of running the scheme. I think not, what will happen will be that in 6 years time, everyone will have become so used to the scheme, that no-one will remember, and we will already have seen three or four price hikes in that time, I would imagine.

Posted by jaffs at 08:19 AM | Permalink

Keeping you up to date with the latest fads in modifying your body, this is tongue splitting

Posted by jaffs at 04:03 PM | Permalink

The radio in my car broke a while back. The radio in a Ka, is not the height of audio sophistication. 3 pre sets, a volume control, a search feature and FM only. There is simple push button to increase and decrease the volume, the back of the switches fell off, when I took the front of the radio out for security and have slipped down the back.
I tried getting the stereo out, with a number of tools, but to no avail, so I am forced to buy a special Ford tool to remove the stereo, this annoyed me, and I therefore have not bothered fixing it.
The radio is now stuck at one volume, and the only station I can hear clearly is Radio One, I had never noticed before how much difference there is in broadcast volumes between Radio One and Radio Ulster for instance, nor how annoying Sarah Cox's voice is.

Posted by jaffs at 08:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

My home town is Portadown.
Somebody has put a directory of shops online,
http://www.aw-portadown.net/shops.htm
I think it builds quite a profile of the town, out of 69 retailers listed

• 20 car dealers or car accessory shops
  
• 8 jewellers
  
• 4 mobile phone shops
  
• 9 travel agents
  

Posted by jaffs at 10:05 PM | Permalink

Not that up to date a website, but has some tips on places to watch your speed. Boucher Rd seems to be a favourite on this, I never new it was a 30.
http://ukgatso1.fxsonet.com/counties/NIreland/belfast.htm
I have just been through the nightmare insurance racket, and have 3 points, I have been told any more and the premium will increase dramatically.
Last year my insurance was 440 quid, this year it is £575, just because i decided to stop insuring my car at my parents hosue, where it can be parked in a driveway at night.
Incidentally out of 32 companies called, Gladiator in Coleraine were the cheapest broker, they have some great medieval graphics in their yellow page's add, and some equally cheesey hold music when you call them.

Posted by jaffs at 09:55 PM | Permalink

My business case for going to a conference in San Diego was accepted today, so that means I have the all clear for a 5 day trip to San Diego. I have never been to the States, and California is the one state I have always had the desire to visit. Aside of the conference I will have two days free time, to see and do as much as possible. I would like to go to Mexico for a day, but feel like it may not be worth it, and perhaps I should spend the two full days getting to see some of the city. Anyway if anyone has ever been, please let me know what not to miss.

Posted by jaffs at 07:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

I wish I has the balls to publish that last post, this little window is like therapy, it gets it out of my system, and then I can delete it before posting, but just seeing it on screen is enough. I have to work with some very incompetent and technically inept people here, some of you reading this who have worked with me will think 'That's rich coming from him', but you would not believe the experience I have just had.

Posted by jaffs at 04:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I keep expecting Mr and Mrs Noah to float past on their big boat in this weather.
There is a company in London selling kids versions of Noah's Ark. The ark retails at £350.oo and each set of two animals are £70.oo each. The world is going mad.
http://www.linksoflondon.com/retail/category.asp?category%5Fname=R.052&Page=1

Posted by jaffs at 01:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I have been asked to produce an alphabetical list of courses in work, which I did and it was easy using the MySQL ORDER BY yada ASC.
However, as usually happens in cases like this, the boss wants this list split into individual pages with a menu of links for ABCDEFGH etc, so clicking H would bring up all the Healthcare modules etc.
I have done those googlesc 123456 etc lists of links before using the href's as triggers for a LIMIT BY query, but alphabetical lists are a different kettle of fish altogether. My solution so far is to run a cron job every night to build the static html pages for each letter and just serve these to the browser, this does not make me happy, and I am sure there is a better solution, but it has me stumped.
I am searching fruitlessly for an image of the sole of an acupuncture trainer that was featured on Radio One this morning. Some woman bought her kid a pair of trainers, got them home and realised that the soles had images of teddy bears in various states of arousal emblazoned across them, with the words, 'If you go down to the Woods today you're in for a big surprise'.

Posted by jaffs at 08:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

The builders are round today, doing bits and bobs of work around the house. The builder I use was recommended to me, and he seems very reliable, always turning up when he says, I trust him to be in the house on his own, and he always does a good job. However because of this trust I am willing to pay him whatever he quotes for any job. I wish there was a website I could go to where I could select my location, select a job from a drop down list and get an idea of how much a job should cost. I know I should get quotes from more builders, but it just goes to show, trust is one thing you can't put a financial value on.

Posted by jaffs at 08:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

NEWSFLASH:
Major Charles Ingram, who tried to swindle chris tarrant out of a million, has commited suicide. who wants to be a millionaire producers celador to pay for the funeral



UPDATE:
although they're not paying for the coffin.

Posted by jaffs at 10:20 PM | Permalink

I have spent most of the weekend looking at honeymoon destinations, and feeling like a spoilt brat, dismisssing entire continents because the sea is not as blue as the Maldives. My Scottish presbyterian stock is yelling 'wind your neck in' a week in Cyprus is perfectly acceptable, whilst my other side is shouting blow a fortune, take out a huge loan, you only live once, go to the Maldives or the Carribean. The cautious side is shouting loudest, especially since I am reapplying for my job at the moment, due to permanent contracts being agreed.
Rebecca is loving the Maldives, but I think I would go insane stuck on one of the tiny islands for two weeks, my personal favourite is http://www.cocobayresort.com in Antigua. I looked to the Carribean on the advice of Duggie and this place looks nice.
Both these could be blown out of the water if the contract is not renewed. The last time I lost my job was difficult (for a couple of days), but things worked out after that, so they will do again.

Posted by jaffs at 09:55 PM | Permalink

Rebecca has more energy than anyone I have ever met. We climbed to the top of Cave Hill this morning, came back, she cooks the lunch while I read the papers. I help with the dishes, and fire up the computer. She goes and gets the paintbrushes and is busy painting something or other round the house. I feel like a lazy sod. And all this on an unhelathy rabbit food veggie diet, god knows what would happen if I force fed her a steak!!

Posted by jaffs at 02:58 PM | Permalink

In the late 80's a concorde was in Belfast for an air show, rather than fly it back empty, they transferred all the morning shuttle passengers on to it, how cool would that have been.
http://groups.google.com/groups?q=concorde+%26+belfast&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&selm=3s72jd%24cg4%40centralnews1.Central.Sun.COM&rnum=3

Posted by jaffs at 11:14 AM | Permalink

Marc over on straytoaster talks about the Portglenone bluebells, and it just so happens I took some photos with bluebells in them this afternoon, most are crap, but I kind of like this one.

Posted by jaffs at 06:49 PM | Permalink

This post is a tad short on facts, but is interesting none the less. Apparently during the time of the Great Ships, customers of the White Star Line were transported out of Cherbourg on small luxurious tenders, as the big boats could not make it in to harbour. One such luxurious boat was the (Mont/Mount) (Clare/Claire). With the demise of the great ships, this boat disappeared from Cherbourg, but it has resurfaced recently, and was used since the 50's as a luxury restuarant on the Seine in Paris. There are currently some people in Belfast preparing a heritage lottery fund application to bring the boat back to Belfast. It is hoped it will be put in the dry dock behind W5.

Posted by jaffs at 09:51 AM | Permalink

One of the girls I work with got a hoop put in the bottom of her lip yesterday, it looks pretty good and suits her. She was telling me about all sorts of piercings, flesh tunnels have to be the most gross, where they put progressively bigger plugs in ears to expand the holes.
It is a fascinating sub culture, here is the link she sent, be careful if you are eating your lunch.
http://www.bmezine.com/index.html

Posted by jaffs at 12:56 PM | Permalink

Friday again, this week has taken an age to go in, probably because of the nasty meetings I had to attend, and too much of the mundane donkey work instead of nice development work.
This weekend I have nothing to attend, no-one I have to see, and no jobs that need done on the house, I have been dreaming of such a weekend for a long time. Couple of bottles of wine, some holiday brochures and trashy tv. Hoorah!!
My sister is getting married next weekend in Portadown, in the Seagoe Hotel (their website is broken, note to self: bring some business cards ;-) ). I can't wait for the wedding, it will be great to have all the family and friends around. I remember when I was a kid we used to have huge family get togethers all the time, we would regularly have 20 odd people for meals or picnics. This doesn't happen anymore, I am not sure why, and it is disappointing. I haven't seen some of the family for about 10 years, and they only live in Bangor. I think you reach a stage of shamefulness where it is too embarassing to make contact, so it will be nice to rekindle those relationships.
Oh and if anyone likes good coffee at reasonable prices, I would recommend using the Algerian Coffee Stores. A friend gave us a mail order catalogue a while back and we have ordered by post and fax, I haven't used their website as it is a bit ropey, but their delivery times are acceptable, and the coffee great and nicely packaged.

Posted by jaffs at 08:31 AM | Permalink

Not all the toys from our youth were brilliant, what were the designers of sticklebricks thinking?They were utterley useless, you could only stick them together on one plane, if you tried to turn it on it's side the piece fell over.Room 101 for sticklebricks!!

Posted by jaffs at 09:16 PM | Permalink

I have never thought much about hearses. I would have imagined they were built like a standard car, however I was wrong, it appears every one is custom built from an existing car, which are usually Ford/Vauxhall/Daimler or Mercedes. The car is chopped apart and customised to make a hearse, hence a price tag of 60 grand is not uncommon.
There is a firm based in Antrim which builds them:
http://www.fearghasquinn.com

Posted by jaffs at 09:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

The wheel clampers are really getting stuck in around the university, there are 4 cars I have seen today which have been clamped. The clamps they are using look a bit like this:



I am sure you could let your tyre down and drive out of that, although I will have to investigate one further on my way out.

Posted by jaffs at 04:58 PM | Permalink

http://www.ezb8.com/

Posted by jaffs at 01:57 PM | Permalink

The chuckle brothers are coming to the Waterfront hall.

http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/cgi/asp_events/byid.asp?event_id=1800356DA61FB8B9&category=Attractions

Posted by jaffs at 01:44 PM | Permalink

That new song by R Kelly was on the radio coming into work this morning, I like it, it's the one with the lyrics, 'It's the freakin' weekend baby, I'm gonna have me some fun'. This is the first R&B song I have enjoyed in a long time.
I have been to the R&B nights in Milk a couple of times, and just can't get into the music at all. Milk's dancefloor is one of the problems, it's much too bright and there is a viewing gallery around it, meaning I don't venture near it, unless it is very busy and/or I am very drunk.
I used to go clubbing a lot in my youth, I used to go to the dodgey and barless sweatbox Circus Circus in Banbridge, aswell as other salubrious night spots such as Kellys, The Network,Kilwaughter House,Shine and Thompsons. So I reckon I understand dance music quite well, except R&B, it lacks that rawness and energy that other forms of dance music have. Low roof, huge sound system, dark room, no dress code is what clubbing should be about. Not twats drinking champagne, in brightly lit surroundings, wearing sunglasses and bandanas.

Posted by jaffs at 08:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Why?
http://www.lupo.co.jp/develop/ccpc/ccpcbox_index.html.

courtesy of slashdot

Posted by jaffs at 09:40 PM | Permalink

It is NW200 week, all the bikes were coming off the ferry this evening when I was heading home, and heading up to the Port.
I love seeing people having a good time here, Belfast was on the Holiday Programme the other night and it felt great to see such good things being said about the city.
Through my uni days all my houses were within 5 minutes walk of the NW circuit, so I developed a bit of a soft spot for the races then. If the weather is good the Saturday was always a good session, boozing all day, friendly buzz about the triangle, and loads of bikes to look at.
Those were the days!!

Posted by jaffs at 09:27 PM | Permalink

We are developing content at the moment for delivery via the UKeU platform. The new platform is very much in beta stage at the minute, but looks like a real winner for developers, academics will hate it.
They are working on a learning object model (oblet is their buzz word), basically everything has to be defined as a learning object, be at a page, a flash animation, an image etc. Each learning object must have metadata describing the object, and the learning outcomes. When you build your course from these objects the platform builds an IMS compatible package for delivery. The wizards for building the metadata are clunky, but you can bypass this stage by building content to IMS standards at the development stage. So after publicly slating standards I will backtrack furiously and state that building courses to an IMS spec is a good thing, since I have been here, we have built content for 3 Virtual Learning Environments, and porting from one to another can be frustrating, but by building IMS compatible packes we can blame the VLE developers in the future if their platform does not support it.

Posted by jaffs at 08:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Was just in a meeting where some people from the equality unit were discussing acccessibility legislation.
According to them the Disability Discrimination Act 1995 excludes Higher Education, and Senda does not apply to Northern Ireland, thanks to the collapse of our assembly.

Posted by jaffs at 04:09 PM | Permalink

A milkman from Dale Farm called last night, his first words were.
"I'm from Dale Farm and I do doorstep deliveries, how many would you want? Some are taking 3 pints a week and others 5." I told him I didn't want milk delivered, he asked "Why Not?"
I told him I don't use much milk maybe one 2 litre carton a week, so with impressive logic he said well that's 4 pints, I could have those on your doorstep for 40p a pint, so paid every four weeks that would be £6.40. He thought that represented a good deal. 2 litres of milk can be bought for 69p, if you are lucky, but no more than about £1.oo.
I did feel guilty, and told him so, as if that would make him feel better. I think buying something because you feel guilty will only make you more annoyed in the future, but milkmen do not offer a very good deal.
It's a very British thing I am sure, to feel guilty about turning down poor value.

Posted by jaffs at 08:36 AM | Permalink

My new word for the day is modesty. Not modesty in general, I would be a bit of a retard if I had not come across this word. A desk just arrived and the one of the flat packs has a title 'Top and Modesty'. A quick search shows this is a common name for the section of a desk.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=modesty+%26+desk
I know if I was designing a desk I would probably have left this out, not as a feature ;-) , just because I wouldn't have considered it was needed. But it is a useful part of a desk, so I would recommend including it, should you be designing a desk in the near future.

Posted by jaffs at 01:58 PM | Permalink

I watched the Northern Ireland ambulance programme last night, most of the programme consisted of the crews dealing with paramilitary shootings and joyriders. The crews dealt with the gluebags in a very professional manner, I would have been tempted to finish the injured joyriders off.
The last piece was a crew attending the scene of the fatal car crash on the M5. I often hear of fatalaties on the roads, but rarely think of the pain and suffering that those in the crash and their families go through. The footage was shocking and therefore very powerful. I am sure if footage like this was more widely shown, it would have a lasting effect on drivers here.

Posted by jaffs at 08:26 AM | Permalink

I am stumped for a honeymoon destination, I have not been to many places, the furthest I have been except the usual European destinations is Morocco.
I want it to be a honeymoon to remember, and will take out a loan to ensure it is, but I don't know where to go. I looked at the Maldives, those wee houses on stilts look class, but Rebecca wants to go somewhere for two weeks, and £1600 a week per person, seems a bit steep. I love the smaller Greek islands, and have holidayed there before, Santorini looks nice. I have always wanted to go to Japan, but it is not the most romantic destination.
I really want somewhere with a bit of interest, I like the idea of Morocco, perhaps Marakesh, but it isn't very useful for a beach holiday. Beaches are good, and islands are best,and somewhere with a little bit of culture, if I fancy doing something like that. I would prefer a good quality hotel in Europe to a crap hotel somewhere further afield. If any of you travellers have any ideas please let me know, it's not that difficult a brief. ;-)

Posted by jaffs at 09:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Anybody in need of a business with a turnover of few million tax free a month?
Check it out on ebay:
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2925611679&category=324

Posted by jaffs at 09:19 AM | Permalink

I went to a Barbeque last night, thankfully the weather held out just long enough for us to enjoy the grub.
I learnt something jolly interesting this morning, there is an advert on telly for women's sanitary products (least offensive term I know). It tells us that women living in close proximity to each other have their monthly cycle at the same time. This is very interesting, I wonder how it works, are some women more dominant than others, and others adjust to their cycle.
Men be afraid, we will never understand the inner workings of our superiors.
http://www.abc.net.au/rn/talks/8.30/helthrpt/stories/s11122.htm

Posted by jaffs at 09:16 AM | Permalink

Just came back from a walk to find my car with a dent in the side and three mucky ball prints on the windows. The wee street urchins have been at it again, luckily the dent is pretty shallow, and hasn't been creased so it is possible I can pull it out, but still they have wrecked everything round here, two pickets off my fence, the gate next door, the windows of the caravan (I am happy about that see earlier post). Still I aint going to let it get me down, I am going to fix everything they break.
There are a pile of brent geese still in Victoria Park, there was a pair swimming about with 6 chicks, I have never seen brent geese chicks, they are worth seeing. Why they bothered stopping in Victoria Park when they could be down in Strangford I will never know.

Posted by jaffs at 07:35 PM | Permalink

Made it down to Blackstaff square about 9.30 queue for Irene and Nan's was down to opposite the Holiday Inn, drove round looking for a space, and ended up having to pay £4.oo to leave my car in the Super Bowl carpark, which seemed a bit steep considering it was only manned until 10.30. Queued until 10.20 to get in, this is against my principles, but we had friends to meet.
Got battered round there for 2 hours, no seats and lots of blocked people barging about. Was good to see everyone anyway, and the music was good, very loud and quite eclectic for that sort of bar, they played one of my favourite tunes, Run DMC Walk this Way.I love the video.
Was home quite early about 12.30, but had to get up at 6.45 to take Rebecca to her communion service at 8.00. Rebecca's family are churchey people so before the wedding (August 2004) Rebecca has started going again. Her minister is pretty strict, and we do not know what is going to happen when he asks what church I belong to. My parents decided not to christen me. This was very awkward when I was growing up in Portadown, I used to have to go to the library with two muslim girls on a Friday morning when everyone else had their minister come in and have a service. I do not wish to be christened in Rebecca's church purely for the wedding, my morals would not allow that, so I hope the minister is happy when I have a chat to him.
While she was at church I went for a dander along the beach, it was deserted at that time of the morning, except a couple of people shaking off hangovers and a man exercising his horse (that sounds dodgey when I just read it back). I was walking up past Cultra Yacht Club and noticed a huge piece of driftwood, it was half a railway sleeper and was within 50 yards of the road. I went back and got the car and Rebecca's dad and we went down and got the thing back, it is a cracking piece of wood, I am hoping to make a raised flower bed in the garden with it, either that or it will lie and rot in the shed until I throw it out when I next move.

Posted by jaffs at 01:12 PM | Permalink

Was up in Redburn for a dander in the rain just now, it was a tad miserable, however we did see a Jay. I had never seen a Jay until about 4 years ago, they are definitely much more common in the east of Northern Ireland, I have seen a couple in Belvoir Forest and along the Lagan towpath. They are very tropical comnpared to our normal species. This one was very curious, he followed us down from the top, hopping from branch to branch, until he disappeared at the bottom.
I am heading in to town tonight, Saturday's are a nightmare for a number of reasons but mainly the taxi situation. I have spent too many nights in the pissing rain trying to hail one, it doesn't bother me when I am on my own, but I take it personally when I am with Rebecca, kind of like it's my fault we haven't been able to get a taxi. So with that in mind, I am contemplating driving, and having a few beers when I get back.

Plus Points
Warm and Dry
Browney Points for not getting drunk
more money in my pocket tomorrow

Minus Points
Look like a boring old sod
Feel like a boring old sod
Might not be fun sober if everyone else is drunk

Life is much more complicated now, Saturday night decisions used to be should I get an extra bottle of Buckfast for the after party or not.

Posted by jaffs at 04:26 PM | Permalink

What I intend to do this weekend.

• caulk the gap around the top of the edging around my kitchen, and paint it.


• Post all the stuff I sold on ebay this week.


• Go to Irene and Nan's to meet friends for a few drinks tonight.


• Drop Rebecca to her church in the morning, we are starting the cynical start going to church a year before the wedding thing. I am going to leave it a few weeks, in the hope that it looks less obvious.


• Go to cutter's wharf to watch the dragon boat racing, a few mates are doing it this year. I rowed last year in it, we had been drinking since 11 and our race was at 4, we came second last.


• Either watch the marathon (it passes by the bottom the road) on Monday or go to Lady's day at Down Royal for the races, but this is looking less likely, due to expense.

Posted by jaffs at 09:09 AM | Permalink

I have an addiction, but I am not the only one http://www.guardian.co.uk/online/comment/story/0,12449,948104,00.html.

Posted by jaffs at 01:50 PM | Permalink

I was watching a programme about World War Two battleships last night, on one of those UK History Channels, it got me thinking about something I read a while back about the dazzle camouflage used during the first (and possibly) second world wars on battleships. I did a search this morning and found that the dazzle camo was used on all sorts of vehicles, boats and planes. Here is a fine example:



The story I read, but I can't find a reference right now was about the US Navy employing beatnik artists to come up with obscure geometric designs.

Anyway here's a link to some more info:
http://www.gotouring.com/razzledazzle/dazzle.html

Posted by jaffs at 08:22 AM | Permalink

I am not an operating system snob, I use what is given to me.
When I joined my present workplace the sys admin gave me a nice laptop running Windows 2000 and a huge Desktop PC running Windows NT. The Hard Drive banjaxed on the Desktop machine about a year ago, and since then I have been using the laptop. This evening I am moving all my files from the laptop back to the PC.
I was trying to back up my mail folders from Outlook Express, I knew they had a .dbx extension, so I did a search for *.dbx on the laptop, nothing appeared, this perplexed me, they had to be there. I went to the Inbox and right clicked and the properties gave me the location of the file, ah ah I thought and off I went looking for the file, but it was not there, I then realised the file must be hidden, so I found that if you go to File->Folder Options and deselect the Do not show hidden files, the folder where the .dbx files were appeared. I opened this folder and they were not there.
I went back and did a search again, and they appeared in the folder, I can only see them when I search for them now, with the hidden files button deselected.
It really frustrates me that Windows hides all the useful files by default, and even when you tell the explorer to see them, if it reckons it's too dodgey to let you see the file, it appears you won't get to see it.

Posted by jaffs at 06:20 PM | Permalink

I really wanted this bike back in the 80's, but my Dad got me a Raleigh Grifter. I was disappointed





There are some much nicer Raleigh Burner bikes here http://members.lycos.co.uk/magburner/1984catalogue.html that it would have been much cooler to want, but no I wanted that neon mag burner.

Posted by jaffs at 12:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I was walking past an art gallery in Holywood last night, there is a picture in the window by Basil Blackshaw and it is priced at £18,500. It is too easy to take the piss out of this painting, if you are driving past Holywood take a detour, the painting is in the gallery on Church Rd. It looks like a green baseball hat turned backwards and sitting on a pile of iron filings. This guy is obviously talented, there are some much better paintings of his here. However does the fact that you once produced excellent work, mean that you can produce really bad paintings and still warrant extortionate prices?
I like nice pictures, there are often nice pictures in this gallery, they sell a lot by that